Cold hands, warm shart.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
