Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
