will power is for people who don't want to get laid
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
