i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize