do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
