My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
