I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
