Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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