Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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