Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
