The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
