in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
