Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Still dying that you shit outside
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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