Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
