i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
