Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
