There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
