Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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