have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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