how can u be prego again
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
