You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
