dude i'm inner monologue high
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
