fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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