I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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