I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
