Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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