hotel room ftw
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
