I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
