you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
