I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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