It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Small penises have feelings too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
