Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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