So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
