I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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