he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
