Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
