I hate your face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They are going to name an STD after you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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