Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
