ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
