I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
