I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
