I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
