Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
