Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
