I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
