The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize