I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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