winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize