dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize