Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
