I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize