You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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