i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
