I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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