I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize