Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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