We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My ATM looks so different sober.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
