Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
