So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
