birth control should be required to get into college
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
