Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize