why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
