My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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