Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
