u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
