That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
