please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
