I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
