Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
