There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize