Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
