remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
