I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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