I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
