Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
