you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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