next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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