Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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