Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
