Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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