New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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