Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
