Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize