I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
