Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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