Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
